Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol review

“Light the fuse.” These three little words that bring the opening sequence to a close have a profound effect. They make you sit up, suppress the urge to turn to the person next to you excitedly whispering “I know what’s coming next” and instead hum along softly to the theme tune of Mission: Impossible. But all is not well, you’ll quickly start to question why it sounds a little bit off, why it feels over produced and why you can’t help but think someone has butchered a classic.

In case you haven’t noticed we’re using the opening score as a metaphor for the rest of the film. We’re not simply dedicating this review to the nuances of Lalo Schifrin’s timeless piece.

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol sees Tom Cruise in his fourth outing as IMF agent Ethan Hunt (IMF being the Impossible Missions Force not the International Monetary Fund (or a dyslexic spelling of a popular furniture shop)). This time round he’s framed for blowing up the Kremlin, shot at quite a lot and sent on a covert mission with a rag tag group of agents to track down the man who framed him before he can start a global nuclear war. You know, that old chestnut.

Let’s be honest though, the plot is just there as an excuse for Tom Cruise to travel around the world, imitate a chimp and shoot some people in the face. And have no doubt about it; this film is a Tom Cruise fest before it is anything else.

Part of us wanted to embrace this fact and let Cruise have his fun, but the man is 49-years-old. How many more times will we have to see him run as fast as he can towards a camera and away from some kind of impending disaster before it becomes embarrassing? If at any point he has to start using a Zimmer frame it’s just going to be awkward for all involved.

Admittedly the stunts are at times spectacular, scaling the world’s tallest building, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, is a particular highlight, but they tend to detract from any kind of intelligence in the film.

The script has this unfortunate effect as well, and while the supporting cast can be relied upon for comic relief from the likes of Simon Pegg, everyone has a comic turn or two. Surely being a spy can’t be that much of a hoot?

The presence of gadgetry that feels like it’s been stolen from Q’s office over at MI6 adds to the corniness. Washing up gloves that allow Cruise to climb glass and an electro magnetic remote controlled car that propels Jeremy Renner into the air when he wears a suspiciously mediaeval looking chainmail suit to name but two.

Ghost Protocol feels like a Pierce Brosnan James Bond film in its light hearted approach to the impending destruction of the world and is so far removed from the original Mission: Impossible it’s difficult to see how they are the same franchise.

As Bond has gone darker with the king of brood Daniel Craig, the US equivalent has lightened up and made it more about the stunts than the story.

The original Mission: Impossible film may have received criticism back in 1996 for its convoluted plot and complicated dialogue, but at least it made its audience think. Ghost Protocol is an action film and nothing more, whereas its original predecessor was an action thriller.

Of course, having said that, Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol ticks the boxes of a textbook action film, it is loud, it is flashy and, thanks to some serious product placement of a particular brand of car, you can tell a lot of money has been pumped into it.

It’s a proper blockbuster, but that doesn’t always equate to a great film. See it at the cinema, make the most of director Brad Bird’s decision to use IMAX cameras, but don’t expect to walk away being anything more than the price of a ticket lighter and moderately entertained for two hours and 13 minutes.