Goal!

WHAT'S IT ABOUT? Young Mexican lad jets over to Tyneside in the hope of being Newcastle United's next big thing...and giving Anna Friel his big thing! Oo-er missus.

ANY GOOD? An entertaining footy romp. Almost as much fun as Jossy's Giants.

QUOTE FOR THE POSTER: 'Why blow £17m on Owen when they couldda had this kid for free, hmmm? Oh, he's not real.'

REASON TO WATCH: To see Alan Shearer steal the show, giving a stunning, unbelievably accurate performance of himself (i.e. a dull, real-life footballer). Oscar nomination inevitable.