The Getaway: Black Monday

8am: Calm down, dear, it's the sequel to The Getaway, and the streets of London are again rife with slags, nonces and very bad men. More sensitive viewers should be warned that it features foul and abusive language, including the words 'fuck' and 'cunt.'

10am: Pigs might fly, even holding machine guns. You begin the game as maverick cop Ben Mitchell, back on the force after shooting a child in the back. The kid's gargling death throes haunt Ben's every waking moment. He's on pills for his nerves.

1pm: Central London is recreated in mildly impressive style, but without the teeming hordes of gawping tourists, slack-jawed cretins advertising golf sales, and ciabatta-munching media buffoons.

5pm: Fucking tube strike.