Classic Movie

No Russell Hobbs. And no bananas.

	Anyone who says action can't sustain a whole movie is talking bollocks – Yuen Woo-Ping says so.

The plot: It's mid-19th century China and thousands of Zhejing peasants with less spare cash than John Barnes are being fleeced and policed by their creepy, tyrannical leader, Governor Cheng, and his slapstick entourage. And they'd have the run of the town too if it wasn't for an irritating pain in their collective arses by the name of Iron Monkey.
A chop-socky hybrid of Superman, Robin Hood and Karl Marx, Iron Monkey is a mild-mannered medicine man by day and elusive kung fu machine by night. Stealing from the rich to give to the poor, IM's primary motives are to spread the wealth more evenly amongst the townsfolk and get into loads of cool scraps whilst he's doing it.

So what happens? When a kick-ass priest comes to town with his son, Wong Fei-Hong (a real-life Chinese legend whom many kung fu films pay homage to), he is blackmailed by the bent governor to hunt down Iron Monkey. Loads of classic wire-fu action transpires with the elder Wong and Iron Monkey eventually becoming a more formidable tag team than Ant and Dec and shoeing some evil Shaolin arse in the process. Shadow Kicks and Buddhist Palms complete with Flying Sleeves and the dubiously named Monkey's Rod for the coolest moves on show.

Why's it a classic? It may have the sensibilities of an episode of the A-Team, but the kung fu choreography puts Hollywood's action movies to shame. Anyone who says action can't sustain a whole movie is talking bollocks – Yuen Woo-Ping says so.
Iron Monkey may not have the intricate plot of The Matrix or the gooey romantic subplot of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but who gives a shit? In terms of kung fu action, it is every part their equal. The best evidence of which is the final scene where Iron Monkey and Wong do battle on an ever-decreasing number of blazing wooden stilts. Absolutely breathtaking (asthmatics beware).



MONKEY LESSONS
EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE (1978)
Orang-Utans make good sidekicks

Stronger than Clint Eastwood and funnier than BIll Murray, Orangs are the best people to go to bars and get into scraps with.


INDIANA JONES (1981)
Small monkeys cannot be trusted

The most two-faced primate Hollywood has ever seen meets a fitting end in Cairo after robbing a cheap lunch. "Bad dates, Indy!"


KING KONG (2005)
They're not much different to us

The daddy of all monkeys in movies smells like shit, likes to smash stuff up a lot and falls in love with a strumpy blonde which eventually leads to his downfall.