Men of the Quaff

His ancestors would be proud...

	Any chance young Hal can get, it would seem he's either copping off with some blonde bit or getting pissed/stoned off his ginger nut.

Those Royal types didn't used to be as boring as they are today. Charles II oft enjoyed a good drink and a hot tart, once hocking a royal ring for "a whore and another bottle of wine". George IV was a geezer, too. Usually loaded on a cobination of booze and opium, one night at dinner with the Sheriff of London he seduced the poor fella's wife between courses.

Yep, once a upon a time English royals acted like booze-fuelled shag-nasties and they didn't give a horse and carriage who knew about it.

Scooch forwards a couple of hundred years and we have a new pretender to the crown. Enter stage left, third in line to the throne, carrot-topped Harry Windsor.

Not only has the "wayward woyal" been sent on day trips to Featherstone Lodge Rehab Centre in Peckham after being caught smoking grass at Highgrove House, he's been described by the (for once well-informed) redtops as "Boozed-Up Harry" and "Harry Pothead". Any chance young Hal can get, it would seem he's either copping off with some blonde bit or getting pissed/stoned off his ginger nut.

The year 2004 was one big party year for Harry and his pals. In February him and his brother "Wills" got wankered in nouveau bollocks London nightclub, Chinawhite. One girl, Ghazel Kavandi, said the baseball-capped royal ran his hands all over her, while another, Cassie Sumner, reckoned he "was fascinated with my breasts as he spent more time looking at them than my face". Good man.

Later in the year, Harry went to Argentina to stay on a ranch ang get stuck into the posho's favourite game - polo. A knee injury, however, meant that the only thing he was going to get stuck into was the herberts down at the local El Colosso and Pancheria bars.

The "Party Prince" slipped away from the guards and was found with two of his mates, forming a centrepiece in a scattering of Argie beer bottles, sloshed out of his mind. One onlooker claimed: "Harry got drunk as only Brits know how," the ranch's owner asking him to leave as he was "out of control". Whirlwind Windosor - ace.

So, all in all, fair play to Prince Harry. You may always play second fiddle to "Wills" in Middle England's eyes but your successful transformation from ginger-haired royal nobody into one-finger saluting, paparazzi-smashing playboy is complete.

You're now someone who's not afraid to go on seven-hour benders, be sick behind the wall of your local pub or call its Franch manager a "fucking frog". Your ancestors would be proud.