Classic Movie

'Who wants to live forever?'

Flash Gordon (1980)

The plot: Unintentionally camp New York Jets quarterback, Flash Gordon, and vacuous travel agent, Dale Arden, inadvertently encounter mad scientist, Hans Zharkov during a preposterous geological attack from outer space and end up being sucked into an Imperial Vortex to the planet Mongo via a homemade spaceship that Flash thinks is a phone box. This hapless, world-saving trio are greeted by less-than friendly Imperial Guards and, not at all surprised that they can actually breathe the air, proceed to get into various squabbles with overweight Hawkmen, tree-dwelling Blue Peter presenters and Max von Sydow’s beard-stroking Emperor of Mongo and wannabe Ruler of the Universe, Ming the Merciless.

So what happens? Armed only with an effeminate quiff and a positive mental attitude, Flash fights a running battle against the clock to save the Earth whilst somehow gaining, and mystifyingly rejecting, the sultry advances of Ming’s promiscuous vixen of a daughter, Aura. Gordon not only manages to save the planet by acting like he’s in a 90-minute shampoo advert, in between sickening bouts of selfless humanity he also unites Mongo’s quarreling clans and against Ming’s oppressive regime.

Why’s it a classic? Flash (Sam J Jones) and Dale (Melody Anderson) exhibit all the acting talent of a toaster, but the rest of the cast are absolutely superb turning this sci-fi epic into the stuff of small boys’ and Dads’ fantasies, for decidedly different reasons. British thesps Brian ‘GORDON’S ALIVE!’ Blessed and Timothy ‘FREEZE YOU BLOODY BASTARDS!’ Dalton are top-drawer as enlightened Princes Vultan and Barin; Klytus is Mongo chic personified as the Darth Vader-esque head of secret police; von Sydow’s Ming robs every scene him and his glowing ring are in; and Ornella Muti is red-hot in every unscrupulous way as sultry intergalactic trollop, Princess Aura. Add in Queen’s rollicking score, some elaborate Art Deco settings and the kind of costumes you might encounter at one of Michael Barrymore’s pool parties and you’ve got a camp, corny, trashy bag of tomfoolery that’s utterly brilliant in every way.

	Gordon not only manages to save the planet by acting like he’s in a 90-minute shampoo advert, in between sickening bouts of selfless humanity he also unites Mongo’s quarreling clans and against Ming’s oppressive regime