Soccer conjecture

Maradona at Portsmouth FC!

At least that’s according to reports from respected truth-merchants www.arabianbusiness.com.

Leaked emails between Portsmouth owner Sulaiman Al Fahim and Maradona’s lawyer apparently discuss the tubby genius jacking in his job as Argentina boss in order to become ‘global ambassador’ at the Premier League club.

Not only that, but a galaxy of South American stars are supposedly on standby to join Diego’s Pompey Revolution.

Lawyer Angel Moyano is quoted as boasting, ‘Maradona has got top players ready and is even ready to leave the Argentine national team. With the support of Diego Maradona, (top level players) will be READY to come to Portsmouth.’ Even now, departure lounges the world over are filling with anxious superstars, pushing and shoving as they fight for a spot on the next flight to sunny Fratton Park.

"Pals" of Barcelona Winger Leo Messi have suggested the star is ‘ready’ to jet into the South Coast, whilst Sergio Aguero’s uncle's pet Alsatian has described his owner's nephew’s status as ‘Rrrrrready’, should he get the nod. Juan Roman Riquelme was also quizzed on his reaction to the news, and his eyes allegedly replied unequivocally: ‘I am ready’.

This is how the new-look Pompey will probably line up next season:

GK- James (at home sleeping)
DF- Zanetti (in Milan, waiting)
DF- Coloccini (phoning Maradona now)
DF- Heinze (on plane to Bournemouth airport)
M- Mascherano (likes Maradona)
M- Veron (likes Portsmouth)
M- M Rodriguez (likes the D-day museum)
M- Riquelme (likes the Pompey chimes)
S- Messi (likes John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood’s massive bell)
S- Aguero (likes binge drinking on seafronts)
S- Milito (likes really shitty weather)