The idea for this whole saga came last winter in a grim room
with no windows in Hackney Wick.
As two ‘independent filmmakers’ with crap careers, the idea was pretty
simple; fuck waiting around for a TV commissioner to give us a break, we’d
create a new project that could live on its own with no boss and no rules. We figured the problem with web videos
is there’s usually zero cash involved, so we tried to think of an idea that
could bring some cash as well as creating a platform for our work. At the time,
I was genuinely trying to think of ways to make a million pounds but my mind
was totally blank, so we settled with Blag a Million. A pretty audacious idea, but we liked the sound of it and thought
it could be entertaining to film the search for ‘the big idea’ that could rake
us in a million. So we pencilled
off 3 months of our summers to be martyrs to this. 
Next week Chicken Man is coming down from Wales to lay down the vocals 
We were wildly optimistic back then, and for some reason, we
had this deluded idea if we just set out to do it, focused solely on it, the
big idea would come. We’d figure
out how to pull it off, there must be some way to do this, it will be all
right. Haa. Who were we kidding?
To fill you guys in on where we’re at now, I’ll run you
through a few of the schemes we have executed over the past 7 weeks. Most recently we hijacked an ice-cream
van and sold Breast Milk Ice creams to school girls on Wimbledon common. A
great idea, but it only made us £1.23 on the day. We whored out Donal to a top male escorting site, set up an
old school sex line, tried begging, trading Fake Vaginas, selling i-Slaps (our
internet community sponsors people on the street to slap us in the face),
selling our hair, our pixels, our souls…
To date we have blagged £3763, which although is a credible
lump of cash, it’s not a million quid. As I sit here now typing this up, Donal
is on the phone trying to blag bands for the World’s Smallest Festival, a
festival we are organising, I think he is currently stalking The Rakes, but
other recent stalk victims include Noel Fielding, Florence and the Machine, The
Maccabees, Jamie T, oh, and Bob Hoskins!
The idea behind this one is we book massive bands to play a
tiny festival of 100 people (in little sheds and seventies style tents), then
raffle each ticket off for a quid each. In theory, it’s a good concept and could work, say we booked Lily Allen,
I’m guessing there are 100,000 of her fans who would send a text for the chance
to see her play in a back garden to a 100 people. But there’s the flaw in this great concept…how the fuck do
we book Lily Allen? If we can’t
blag one massive band, this whole concept flops, but any massive band is
shrouded in crud catchers, managers and publicists.
While Donal is working and doing the stalking for that, I am
working on our single. We have
been in the studio all week recording a single with the most amazing X-Factor
Reject of all time, Robert Unwin, better known as Chicken Man. We pulled in favours from friends and
now have a legit 100 grand studio at our disposal. The single, so far sounds
seriously good and is horribly infectious. Next week Chicken Man is coming down from Wales to lay down
the vocals, then we’re working on a dialled music video and dropping the single
– just as the new series of X-Factor starts. We have to get Chicken Man for No1!
We’ve got a month left of blagging to go, there are still
90,000 pixels for sale, raffle tickets for the festival are available and
obviously the epic single is about to drop. So fingers crossed.
The site can facilitate a million pounds if the people come, so we are
focusing more now on getting the site out there to millions of people (thanks
Maxim!)… if we can do that and get millions of hits, we stand a hope in hell of
pulling this off.
If not, we’re both seriously bankrupt and this will be a
very epic flop!
PS: All proceeds are going to set up a totally independent,
non-corporate film fund so we can back all the amazing, wild projects TV
couldn’t touch with a barge pole.
---------------------------------------
Blag a Million airs every Thursday on Current TV (Sky
Channel 183 and Virgin Channel 155).
For more information, please visit the website: www.current.com
http://current.com/items/90148413_2-dimwits-trying-to-blag-a-million-pounds.htm
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