The Pub Landlord

On New Year

Should you go anywhere other than your local for New Year's Eve? Answer: No. There are certain nights in the Publican’s calendar known in the trade as Nightswhenpeopewhodon’tusuallygotothepubgotothepub. New Year’s Eve is the ultimate of one of these. We also class St Patrick’s Day and Valentine’s Day in this bracket too. St Patrick’s night has an incredible transformative power of making Irishmen out of us – well, some of us anyway – suddenly out of nowhere the utterly 100 per cent cockney bloke you were talking to starts to say, ‘So it does, so it does...’ and the urge to slap him rises in your gut and you have to walk away and spend the night grinding your teeth. But basically, New Year’s Eve, for punter and publican alike, this night is like an unhappy, rich relative dying – everyone’s a winner. I hit the jackpot while my customers hit the sauce. 

The local is the only place to go on New Years Eve. What’s the alternative? Stay at home? Okay let’s look at that: you start the night in with the missus because she says you need to spend some quality time together. She suggests you have some tea, so you get some grub on board, you might have a nice microwaved lasagna, or it if it’s been a good year, you send her out for some fish and chips. After dinner, you sit on the sofa and watch the same quality of telly that’s been on all year with the only difference being it’s coming live from the side of the Thames. It comes to about eleven-thirty and you find the missus has fallen asleep and wants to crawl off to bed. So much for quality time. Next thing you now you’re sat in on your tod, watching Jools Holland Hootenanny and you’re halfway through a bottle of Safeway’s own brand gin your brother in law bought you. By now you’re receiving texts from mates asking where you are and the girl at the office wishing you a happy New Year. You wake up next morning on the sofa with the empty bottle of gin in your hand, a hang over and no fond memories whatsoever.

My advice is to go to your local on New Years Eve, you’ll only split up next year anyway.